bowel movements and relatives

At this point in reading my blogs you might say to yourself, "hey, Ben sure talks about bowel movements a lot." Yes I do. I do this for several reasons. I think the word poop is funny. I think the word pee is funny. I think the act of pooping is funny. I think the act of peeing is just slightly less funny than the act of pooping, but still funny nonetheless. So what memories get conjured up when you think of pooping or peeing? You may think of the time when you were a little kid in public and wet yourself. You may think of the time you were sitting there and what you thought was a simple fart turned out to leave a feeling in your pants more than just dissapating air. I think of my little korean grandma. My grandmother, known as Choe Bo-Dok lived with our family for six months starting from the summer of 2003. Now you might be asking yourself, "Ben, how does pooping and peeing remind you of your grandma?" That is a very good question. At first meeting of my grandma you might think that it is because of her smell. It is the kind of smell you would get if poop and pee sat around for forty years and then somebody cooked it. That is not what makes me think
of my dear grandmother though. What makes me think of my grandma is that during her 6 month adventure to the U.S, not one time throughout her many bowel movements did she ever shut the bathroom door. The bathroom that she would often frequent was not one where the toilet was tucked away in a corner. The toilet she favored was a small half bathroom where the toilet faced the door directly. It was nearly impossible when passing the bathroom to not make eye contact with this sweet old woman passing a stool. Don't ask me how, but after a while you actually get use to it. What you don't get use to is passing by in mid wipe. Unfortunatly my grandmother does not speak english and i do not speak korean. There were not a lot of conversations had between the two of us. If I could write a letter to my grandma that she could understand, I think it would go something like this.

Dear Grandma,

Hi it's Ben. You know, your grandson. You might not recognize my name since the only name you bothered to learn during your stay was our dog's. I just wanted to tell you how glad I was that you came and stayed with us. I just thought that next time you come, you might take a few things into consideration during your stay. First off, remember the time I was watching t.v and you were standing behind me? Well here in the states most grandmas will go to a bedroom to change their shirt. It was not a pleasant surprise to turn around and see you with your shirt off. It was even less pleasant that you were not wearing a bra. Second, I know that growing up you did not have the luxuries that we have today. One of those luxuries being running water. I would encourage you to take advantage of this technology we now have. Only bathing yourself once a month is really only acceptable if you are on survivor. Third, yes going to the bathroom can be a very relieving and satisfying feeling, but it will be only to you. Please do not share this experience with the rest of the world. Finally, I know that you enjoy church and enjoy being a christian. I would just encourage you to try to find out more about christianity when you are here and you have the resources like our family to share it with you. My mom once asked you if you knew who Jesus was. You replied Santa Clause. Although Santa is also a good person, I have yet to find the denomination that follows that doctrine. I love you grandma and can't wait to see you again. I just hope that you might embrace some of these suggestions before your next stay. Especially the pooping one.

Love,
Ben